The folks at Pirate! seem to think their summer event is cooler than our summer event. So much so, yesterday they published the Top 12 Reasons Why Flag Day Is Better Than Hoodstock (note: They were only able to come up with 6 reasons).
Anyway, here at The Syndicate we feel it’s about time for you to hear the truth, so without further ado:
The Top 12 Reasons That Hoodstock Is Better Than Flag Day
1. “Hoodstock” is a delightful play on words, while the name Flag Day is simply plagiarized from a 5th rate holiday. Flag Day isn’t even a federal holiday. Amateurs.
2. Woodrow Wilson was the President who founded Flag Day. Nobody cares about Woodrow Wilson.
3. Hoodstock has been historically held on July 24th. The same day that:
- Amelia Earhart and Jennifer Lopez were born!
- British lecturer Gerald Brooke was returned to London after four years in a Soviet jail!
- Lance Armstrong won his seventh consecutive Tour De France!
4. One morning Don Larsen heard about Hoodstock. He then went on to pitch a perfect game in game five of the 1956 World Series
5. Number of cars lifted by forklifts during Flag Day: 0
Number of cars lifted by forklifts during Hoodstock: 1
6. Bruce Springsteen lives in New Jersey. Tourists and rats live in New York.
7. July 2002: The Syndicate decides to throw a pirate themed installment of Hoodstock. Petey the Pirate attends, hilarity ensues.
Winter 2004: Doug and Steve decide to start a company called Pirate…Coincidence?
8. Outside of the States, in places like India, China and the UK, “flag day” refers to when a charity raises funds by collecting in the street and door-to-door. We think charity is cool and whatever, but come on – that is sooo annoying.
9. According to a recent Associated Press article titled, “Teen talk: Can You Hang With The Slang?” – Young hip trendsetters in various US metro areas have been observed using the word “hoodstock” in text messages to mean, ‘a role model or individual who has courage and integrity. Ex: “u want 2 com oVr N watch Senator Barack Obama’s speech on Net Neutrality 2nite? Dat dood iz hoodstock.”
10. Dead bodies found in lot where Flag Day takes place: 0
Dead bodies found in lot where Hoodstock takes place: 1 (proof)
11. In addition to Flag Day, other notable events which occurred on June 14th:
- Anna Slesers becomes the first victim of Albert DeSalvo, better known as the Boston Strangler. (1962)
- Paris falls under German occupation. (1940)
- A weeklong product tampering scare occurs as customers throughout the USA discover syringes in unopened cans of Diet Pepsi. (1993)
Boy…Really makes you want to have a party, doesn’t it?
12. Doug Blake has nothing to do with Hoodstock.
Flag Day: 2
Hoodstock: 12
